In 2013 I saw a poster advertising The Lynx Space Academy competition which would give people worldwide the chance to win flights into space on a reusable spaceship being developed by XCOR. Only a few months earlier the world had been transfixed when Felix Baumgartner skydived from a balloon 39 km (21 miles) high. XCOR's Lynx spaceship was going to go much further than that. The Mark I would reach 62 km and the Mark II would reach over 100 km which as everyone knows is the Karman Line or the official recognised line that has to be crossed to reach space and become an astronaut. To enter the competition you had to be over 18 years old and of sound body and mind. I was over 18 so I entered.
The UK competition was split into three stages. The first stage was a popularity contest and meant that I needed to get enough votes to be in the top 200 contestants in the UK. These top 200 would then progress to stage two which was a televised event in London containing mental challenges, physical challenges and an interview. Only 4 would make it through and join contestants from around the world for astronaut training/tests in Florida and finally on the basis of their performance only 1 UK contestant would be picked to go to into space. I did some quick calculations on how many votes I needed and decided that getting to the second stage was achievable.
I am a programmer so figuring out how to get enough votes to go through to the second stage wasn't an issue but on the off chance that there would be a phone vote during the televised London event I thought I better raise my profile so I set up a Facebook page called Taffanaut (due to my inability to spell and a severe case of fat finger syndrome). My excuses for not getting the spelling right are as follows. The word doesn't exist yet so I blame the spellchecker. It's the Welsh spelling. It sounds better with an 'a' instead of an 'o'. Also if I couldn't spell a word that didn't exist then would anyone really notice.
With stage one pretty much in the bag I focused on stage two and the need to finish in the top 4 out of the 200. I couldn't do anything to improve my chances in the mental challenges but I could work on my fitness and practice my interview technique. I did a lot of training in the gym and even gave up alcohol, completely. This was serious. While I was stumbling along on the treadmill I would imagine the questions that could be asked in the interview and run through my possible responses. In my imagined interview I was brilliant and they loved me. Hopefully ambition and ability would be equally matched. If I could raise my fitness level to be about midway in the fitness challenges and do well in the mental challenges then my interview could catapult me into the top 4. Confidence was building along with Taffanaut's following.
Then it all changed.
A fellow weird geek said to me that they were really impressed that I had entered the competition and that when they were younger they had also wanted to go into space. She was unaware of the effect this conversation would have on me (don't think you knew you were in this song). You know who you R. Someone else asked me if I could do a talk at a school if I made it to space. This wasn't in the post win plan. There was no post win plan. What had I done? I had been so committed and focused on winning that I had lost sight of the bigger picture and of the consequences of what would happen afterwards. Up until now I had been safe hiding behind a fictional online character but at some point I would have to reveal myself. I don't mind being the centre of attention but I don't crave it and after a short time I am more than comfortable slipping back out of sight into the shadows. If I won I might end up as a top Z list celebrity being chauffeured around the country in Limo opening new supermarkets before eventually my fame faded and (after six months) I would end up taking part in a hard core porn film wearing goggles and a massive pair of waders or worse still end up on some shopping channel. The flight into space was also begining to worry me. Four minutes to travel 100 km (64 miles) into space reaching 2200 mph in what appeared to be a fiberglass fuel filled Robin Reliant with wings. I still wasn't keen on heights.
This was the first time I really considered sabotaging my creation and walking away. More time trundling along on the treadmill was needed to figure out who I was, who Taffanaut was and what we were trying to achieve. No one could have dreamed what was going on in my head. Slowly but surely an idea started to emerge from the depths of my mind and I began to change. I started to believe. Those people who know me will have seen a change. They may not have been able to put their finger on exactly what it was but they could see something was different. I kept quiet and revealed nothing. It was a self-feeding process. For the first time people around me seemed to contemplate the fact that I could win and as I saw them realise this then I believed more. This was all unsaid and unwritten but I could feel it.
Losing was no longer an option.
We were ready.
